What if IRAQ Wins the War?

Company Policy

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise .

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Butterfly with transparent wing...

It is rare and beautiful.

THE BEST POLICE CARS IN THE WORLD!

Ask for more Pepsi?

So, will you ask for more???   =) 

PAANO PATAYIN ANG BUBULE!!!

Walong taon pa lamang ang edad ay ibig nang matutong manligaw ni Boy at nanay niya ang inurirat, na ang sabi'y magtago na lamang siya sa likod ng kanilang kurtina at panoorin sa gabi ng araw na iyon ang pagliligawan ng ate niya't nobyo nito.

Kinaumagahan ay inusisa si Boy ng kanyang nanay sa kung ano ang mga nasilip niya at natutunan.

"Sa umpisa po, " kuwento ni Boy, "ay nagligawan lang ang dalawa. Kanilang pinatay ang ilaw at dim light lang ang iniwang buhay sa salas.

"Nagyakapan at naghalikan pero sumama ang pakiramdam ni ate. Nag-iba kasi ang itsura ng mukha, eh. "Kaya ipinasok ng nobyo ang kamay nito sa blusa ni ate at parang doktor na pinakiramdaman ang puso nito.

"Pero tangang doktor! Ang tagal nagkakapa ng kamay ay hindi alam kung saang lugar naroon ang puso!

"Hindi nagtagal ay nagkahawahan na sila ng sakit. Pareho nang hihingal-hingal.

"Inilagay ng nobyo ang kamay nitong may sinat sa loob ng palda ni ate. Para mainitan, dahil nag-alis pa muna ito ng panty.

"Lalong naging grabe si ate. Nangapos ang hininga,nanigas ang mga paa, at halos mapahiga't magkandahulog sa pagkakaupo.

"Iyon ang kataasan ng lagnat. Dahil sabi ni ateng nangangatog, umuungol at tumitirik ang mga mata'y kinikilig na raw siya.

"Kaya pala sumama ang pakiramdam ng nobyo'y dahil may nakapasok na bubule rito. Umalpas sa harap ng pantalon nito! "Gusto pang tumakas ng papalag-palag na bubule, pero dinakma ni ate at walang-takot na kinagat sa ulo.

"Ngunit iniluwa rin, dahil siguro'y gumanti ng kagat ang nakasubong bubule. "Para hindi na makapangagat uli ay hinawakan ng nobyo ang bubule at may isinaklob sa ulo nito. "Si ate naman ay humiga sa sofa at itinaas ang kanyang mga paa para pitpitin sa pagitan ng mga nakabukaka niyang hita ang ulo ng bubule.

"Pati ang nobyo'y dinapaan ang bubule, na nanlabang mabuti nang ito'y pagpilitang patayin ng dalawa nang papisa sa pagitan nila!

"Pikit ang matang sinalubong ng dikdik ni ate ang makasira-ng-sofa'ng bayo ng nobyo roon sa iniipit nilang bubule.

"Kalaunan ay natahimik ang dalawa, walang kakilus-kilos at humihinga na nang maayos.

"Nang tumayo ang nobyo'y patay na ang bubule. Nakalungayngay at sabog ang sumambulat na lamanloob.

"Pagod ang dalawa sa matinding laban pero nag-umpisa uli sila sa pagliligawan, pagyayapusan at paghahalikan. Aba'y nabuhay na namang unti-unti ang bubule!

"Parang pusa na siyam ang buhay!

"Dito mabilis na tumayo si ate, hinawakan at inupuan ang bubule, para siya mismo ang pumatay.

"Pagkatapos ng matagal na namang labanan ay namatay na nang tuluyan ang bubule.

"Sigurado po, " sabi pa ni Boy.

"Dahil tinanggal pa ng nobyo ang balat ng bubule, at pagkatapos ay binuhusan ng tubig doon sa inidoro!"

Tulalang mahima-himatay sa narinig ang nanay. 
 

IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE, YOU ARE NOT A TAGALOG SPEAKING FILIPINO

IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE, YOU ARE NOT A TAGALOG SPEAKING FILIPINO  
 
Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL in a sentence.
DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, first DEFEAT and then DETAIL.
 
Use DEPOSIT in a sentence.
I hear dripping in the sink. I think DEPOSIT is leaking.
 
Use DEVASTATION in a sentence.
Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION.
 
Use PAUL four times in a sentence.
PAUL, be carePAUL, you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL.
 
Use CUISINE in a sentence.
I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a CUISINE  math.
 
Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in a sentence.
At the gas station, some people PAMPERS and some PAPERS.
 
Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
(phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
 
Use AFFECT in a sentence.
Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
 
Use ADIEU in a sentence.
If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.
 
Use DECANTER in a sentence.
You can order that medicine over DECANTER.
 
Use DEFLATE in a sentence.
Can you please wash DEFLATE for me?
 
Use DELETION in a sentence.
The balat of DELETION is crispy.
 
Use DESPISE in a sentence.
Who baked all DESPISE?
 
Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.
I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic